I do not even know where to begin this post. I am lost for words. And if you know me, you know that me not being able to speak about something is an amazing thing.

I guess let me start with some background info. about me that has been going on most recently.

Well, it begins with my family being in Crisis mode since the end of October. First off is my nephew. He had been having some personal emotional issues which landed him in the hospital at the end of Oct. He is 25 and like a little brother to me. He went through some therapy and came home, and when he came home, he decided that to get more counseling and therapy it would be best for him to come and live at my home, where services are more abundant than where he lived with my sister in a rural part of PA. So, he has been here since the end of October. As with any changes to the dynamics of a family, we have had some major changes going on, and with his emotional state being up and down, it has been like a roller coaster to say the least. But the main thing is, he is getting help and we are getting him through this and back to a normal life with less of a burden on his back.

Then there is me. I have been battling Depression for a few years now. It started when my father passed away about 8 years ago. It has always been days of ups and downs for me, but I have been getting through. It has gotten much worse at times like when Yasmine (my now 5 yr. old) was having surgery at age 7 months. Once she was all recovered, my depression got much better and I was pretty back to normal. But over the years I have dealt with my mom being very ill and my worrying about the possibility of losing her, which I cannot even bear to think about, that effected my depression. And then also when the love of my life (My husband Dwight) was having a cyst removed from his outside of his lung, the depression had once again come back to haunt me.
And even though I have gotten (we have all gotten) through all of these horrible moments that life has thrown at us, I have just been thrown the biggest snowball of my life.

I have just been diagnosed with MS.

This is absolutely devastating to me. To sit and think of what will come, to wonder how I will be as the MS progresses. To wonder if I can get it to stay in remission so I can live my life to it’s fullest. How I will be as a mother to my children. How I don’t want to burden my family with this disease. How will I afford all of the medication, just everything, everything goes through my mind.
And well, yeah, people say I shouldn’t think about these things. Not to worry, and to leave my burden with God.
And even though I am a Christian woman, and I trust that God will get me through, as he always has, the reality of it is, as a Mother, wife, and child, I cannot help but worry and think these thoughts.

I get headaches every day, I sometimes cannot get out of bed due to the pain. The medicine makes me so tired and weak. My arms shake, my legs “jump” as I sleep, I get hot and cold sweats, and did I mention the headaches? They are absolutely debilitating. They aren’t as bad as the migraines I get but they are constant.
I am on pain medicine, depression and anxiety pills, and they are still trying to decide the treatment for the MS. So I do not even know what medicine that will be and how those may affect me.

Then we also recently (about 3 weeks ago) have found out that my brother in law has esophagus cancer. He has to have a surgery to get it removed that will not only take out his esophagus but also part of his stomach, and they are still doing tests to see if it has spread anywhere else. This being on the edge of my sister who is about to have her own surgery on the 20th for some woman problems. They have 3 other children, ages 9, 11, and 17. (plus my nephew who is living with me who is 25). I worry about all of them and pray nothing happens to them. It is a very scary time. And Cancer is an awful disease. They are not celebrating Christmas this year either. I suspect My brother in-laws chemotherapy and surgery will be coming soon. And it is a very risky surgery.

So, as you can see, My family is in Crisis Mode. And a ton of these burdens fall on me. (and stress isn’t good for anyone, and even extra bad for someone with MS, depression and anxiety). – I have panic attacks almost once a day sometimes more.

I have been so sad and dysfunctional that I have not bought 1 Christmas present for anyone, I didn’t put up a tree (but my mom did buy a small tree and the kids have been bringing and making some ornaments for it, and actually it is so meaningful and cute), the only decorations I have up are what the kids have made at school. We have no lights up outside our home. I haven’t even thought of a Christmas dinner nor have I bought anything for it.
My medical bills and then our hot water tank burst last week and me helping my nephew out, have made us financially strapped. Which includes the money we had saved for me to get a new bathroom for Christmas, that money is now gone and I won’t be getting any bathroom anytime soon. We had to spend that money on medical bills for me.
I cannot ask for more from my husband, he already works 2 full time jobs to pay our bills and get food on the table, send my daughter to pre-school, and pay like car insurance.

I already told my kids that there will be no presents this Christmas, that we cannot afford them at this time. Although sad about it, they all understand and know that it isn’t that they don’t have things, and they do have more than many other children. And they are thankful for my blog and the items that have come via this to review.
So, although sad, they are okay. We will ALL be okay.

But then, apparently the most humbling thing happened in my whole entire life. What I call True Miracles, Angels from Heaven – ie : my blog family, has stepped in and up to help us.
I don’t know how the word spread. I haven’t really wanted to burden my friends with any of my personal problems. I have posted some of this to Facebook to let people like other family members, and friends, and PR folks who are wondering where my posts are and people to know what is going on since I am so MIA lately. But I never ever wanted people to feel bad for me, or think I needed anything. Even though we DO need things, I know how hard everyone has it right now with the economy, and the last thing people need around the holidays is for someone like me to talk about all my issues and bring them down.

The one thing in my life that I have always prided myself on is that I have always been able to make people smile, even if/when inside myself I am dying. I always want things to run smoothly so people can be happy. I love to make other people happy, even at my own expense. To put smiles on other people’s faces and help them in any way I can, makes my heart feel so good.

But right now, I don’t have it in me to make other’s smile. I don’t have the strength to deal with holidays. My depression makes me want to run away, just drive and keep on driving until I disappear. I don’t have the financial means to make a nice Christmas for my kids and family. I don’t have it in me to cook.

But what I have learned that I do have is a TON of great friends who are Angels, who have now stepped up and helped me. I didn’t ask for the help, in fact honestly, I am embarrassed that I need to say I need help, or even to accept the help. I am embarrassed for the commitments I have had to break because I am not well.

But I am HUMBLED BY THE TRUE MIRACLES that these people (and they know who they are) have sent to me, in forms of monetary donations for my family, gift cards to help us buy even a pizza so it is one less day I have to worry about cooking. And just the thoughts, uplifting words of encouragement, and love and support that they have ALL sent to me. Through Facebook, emails, paypal, cards in the mail, skype, twitter, and everywhere/any other ways. And I cannot even begin to tell you all how much a little email from John Chow, who is like my social media idol, brought me up and made me smile. It was like getting an email from a movie star to me.

I truly TRULY love you all, from the bottom of my humbled heart. I always knew you all were my friends, but I never knew how much you all cared about me. And as I sit here in complete tears, just thinking about what you have gave to me and my family, not only humbles me, but makes me know that Miracles can and do happen and now my kids can have a Christmas, and I will go and get what we need for a Christmas dinner.

I love you all so much, I cannot express my thanks to you all. I truly wish you didn’t do this, but in my heart I am thankful that you did.

And even all I am going through and my family is going through and this horrible crisis we are having at Christmas. I am so glad to have all of you and this will probably be the best Christmas ever, knowing that your all here supporting us. You have all lifted my spirit and give me hope.

With Great Thanks and Many Blessing back to you all, May great Blessings be bestowed upon each and every one of you 10 fold. Happy Holidays and Much love, Each one of you are Angels In Social Media, and a True Miracle to me, and I am so glad to be able to call you all my friends.

Beth Davis
“The Plus Size Mommy”

Tinycandy’s Gift is a new Christmas story tracing the origins of the popular holiday treat, the candy cane. For Susan Estes’ third book, she explains that it is children’s differences that make them special to the world and highlights through vivid illustrations just how important one person can be.

Tinycandy is an elf growing up in the North Pole who always felt left out because he walks with a limp. With Christmas approaching, Tinycandy is desperate to find his special “gift” in order to contribute to Christmas in Santa’s workshop and become accepted by the other elves. Tinycandy soon discovers that his gift is making special candies shaped like hooks that make Christmas a little sweeter for everyone. Impressed by Tinycandy’s new talent, Santa christens the special treats “Candy Canes.”

In Tinycandy’s Gift, Estes creates a unique history of how the candy cane got its name and weaves in a classic tale that conveys to children one of the pivotal rules of life. Estes has spent her life working with and raising children and believes that teaching them to appreciate their own and others’ differences is the most important lesson of all.

Estes is also the author of One Miracle Under God and Choice of the Spirit Child. She is a mother of three and an active philanthropist in her community. She was awarded both the “Mayor’s Merit Award” and “Susan E. Estes Day” for her work in the Knoxville , TN community. She attended both University of Tennessee and Pellissippi State Community College . In her spare time, Estes enjoys writing, reading and spending time with her family.

Tinycandy’s Gift by Susan Estes and illustrated by MikeMotz.com (Dragon Pencil, Oct. 2009, ISBN 978-1-60131-036-1, hardcover, $14.95)

For more information on the book and available read-a-long CD, visit www.seecreativeconcepts.com.

Happy Holidays !

The Plus Size Mommy

Just in time for the Winter Holidays, Build A Bear Workshop has released Frosty The Snowman, complete with his magical hat! Frosty has always been one of my favorite Winter Holiday Characters and I love and look forward to watching the television show every year. Now that I have children we watch it together and we all share the joyous show together.

So now Build A Bear Workshop has come out with this character, I was delighted to receive on to review.

FROM THE COMPANY:

This cute and cuddly stuffed snowman gift makes the perfect Christmas surprise! This adorable stuffed Frosty the Snowman™ is wearing a gray hat and comes with a red scarf, plush broom and pipe. Plus, his cheeks light up and make a magic sound! FROSTY THE SNOWMAN ™ & © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc. and Classic Media, Inc. All rights reserved.

I am delighted that I am able to also do a giveaway and you will receive this great holiday treat before Christmas. The winner will receive their very own Frosty

Here is how you can win:

1. comment and tell me what your favorite holiday television show is (not movie). = 1 entry (1 per person please)
2. comment and tell me what your favorite holiday character is = 1 entry (1 per person please)
3. Tweet the following: ”  Win a Build A Bear Frosty The Snowman in time for the holidays here:  http://is.gd/5dtzV   ”   = 1 entry per tweet (up to 3 times per day total please)
4. comment and tell me your favorite holiday cookie = 1 entry per comment (up to 3 total please)

This giveaway starts NOW and will end on December 10th, at 7PM EST. The winner will be chosen from random.org. Winner will have 48 hours to claim their prize by emailing me. Winner will be posted to this site on Dec. 10th.

Thank you for entering and Good Luck !!!

The Plus Size Mommy

*I received this product at no charge from Build A Bear Workshop in order to do this review/giveaway.

*In accordance with FTC guidelines and in the spirit of the Blog With Integrity pledge [http://www.blogwithintegrity.com] we encourage the bloggers we work with to fully disclose that the products they are reviewing and/or giving away were provided to them at no charge by Build-A-Bear Workshop.

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Tonight, at 7 EST, we debut our first-ever holiday special, “Holly and Hal Moose^TM: Our Uplifting Christmas Adventure,” on ABC Family.

Thursday, on our online store Guests who spend $35 will get a $10 gift card and free shipping. Free shipping code = 94623 (this code is good only on Thursday)

Friday through Sunday, we have our Black Friday Moose-A-Paloosa taking place in stores and online.

Monday, our online store is planning an amazing Cybear Monday offer – you’ll have to follow our tweets to get the details !  (follow : @buildabear )

FROM ME :

I know we are excited and definitely will be tuning into ABC family tonight for the Premiere of Holly and Hal movie. My children and very excited that mom ie: me got a “heads up” on this movie. I hope you will enjoy it too and have fun shopping for your build a bear online and save some dough by getting in on that free shipping ! And also the gift card, which can be another present or great stocking stuffer

ENJOY !

The Plus Size Mommy

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FROM ME:

The tradition of the Elf-Magic elves started for our family last year. We were introduced to these wonderful new additions of our holiday family. We are loving carrying on the tradition this year with some new members who were sent to us. Although my children have had a sneak peek at the new family members, I haven’t allowed them to be out yet, as they don’t officially arrive until The day after Thanksgiving in our home.

After having a sneak peek myself, I just again fell in love with these little guys (and girls). I love that they are named in their elfin names and love that they can be shared with girls AND boys. One of my favorite things is when the elves hide out during the night and my children have to find them. The saddest part for me (and them) is when they are gone until the next year. The fun”ness” of the elves only lasts for a short time, so be sure to get yours today to be a part of the tradition!

ALSO, I am giving away a boy and a girl elf this year to help 2 families be able to start their own tradition of the Elf-magic elves.

Here is how you can win your very own boy or girl elf :

First entry:

Become a fan of Elf Magic on Facebook and be a subscriber to Plus Size Mommy via RSS or Email. Readers can leave  a comment telling  they did both. 

Additional entries:

“Share” Elf Magic’s stop-motion video, “Making Mischief” on Facebook or tweet the link to the video, including the @ElfMagic twitter badge. Leave me a comment telling me you did this with the tweet thread or facebook link = 1 entry for each.

Tweet the following:  ” Did you see the magic over here:  http://is.gd/4Wjc3 ? Hurry now to enter to win a @ElfMagic Elf and let your new holiday tradition begin!” comment telling me you tweeted with the tweet thread included = 1 entry each time.

Lastly, you can enter by leaving a comment  every time they tweet the video or contest (or both) leave a separate comment every time. You may do this as many times as you like.

2 winners will be selected via random.org.  Winners will have 48 hours to contact me via my email to claim their prize. This giveaway begins NOW and ends on November 24th at 8pm EST. Winners names will be posted to this site, so if you enter, please check back and see if you won.

THANK YOU for entering and Good Luck !!!

The Plus Size Mommy

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Last week a package arrived at my home. This was one I was waiting for for a few days. The excitement was overwhelming to me and I couldn’t wait to open it. It was a package with clothing in it from Peggy Lutz.

Peggy Lutz is a Plus Size clothing designer and owner of www.plus-size.com.  I had wrote a prior post on how I was excited to share with you her website and her beautiful designs.  I knew before I even received the clothing, and after browsing through her website,  that the styles she had and the quality of her clothing was a superior brand.

After opening the package and pulling back the gently wrapped articles of clothing, my thoughts on how awesome this clothing would be came to reality. Even by the way the clothes were wrapped, I could tell the pride that the team of clothing makers must have to care for the clothing that they make.

The first piece of clothing I would like to share with you, that I was sent is this Ruana In Animal Print Eyelash.

It is a gorgeous piece of clothing. It is truly a unique article of clothing. I just love it and how “flowing” it is. If looks wonderful over a black top or dress (as shown).

FROM THE COMPANY:

Ivory, taupe and black in a very detailed and
subtle animalskin print brought to life in this wonderful eyelash
treatment.  A real find for those with a sense of adventure!

A very limited edition, this unique Animalskin Eyelash Short Ruana is an endangered species. There are just a few left.

100% polyester Eyelash is dry clean only.

Submit a Fashion Profile to receive swatches of this and other fabrics in your best colors.

Available immediately in One Size Fits All.
Consult with Us; A Peggy Lutz Stylist will answer all questions and assist you in getting just what you want.

Originally priced at $360. Now only $100.

You can purchase this beautiful piece NOW by visiting the Outlet at :

http://www.plus-size.com/motherofthebride/item~itemid_231~t_only_100___ruana_in_animal_print_eyelash.htm

OR you can WIN $100 gift certificate from Peggy Lutz by entering as follows below :

Winners MUST be subscriber to this blog in order to enter to win. Anyone not a subscriber will not qualify!

Mandatory FIRST entry; Visit www.plus-size.com then come back here and comment and tell me which piece from the OUTLET that you would buy if you are the winner. = 1 entry

Additional entries by completing any/all of the following:

• Tweet the following on Twitter:  ” Plus Size Prices Slashed at Peggy Lutz, visit http://www.plus-size.com to get your Holiday Wear NOW! ”   OR  ”Win $100 to Peggy Lutz Fashion’s here :     http://is.gd/4WE6V          and get beautiful clothing for the holidays”  - You can tweet one or both and each tweet come back and leave the tweet thread and get an entry for each one!
• Post about this giveaway on your blog, link back to this post = 1 entry for commenting and telling me with a link to your post.
• Post this giveaway on Facebook, comment and tell me you did with a link  = 1 entry
• Visit www.plus-size.com come back and answer the following questions :

1. What sizes do they make clothing for ?
2. What City & State is Peggy Lutz clothing located in ?
3. Under Couture Fabrics on the website, what is the “swatch” #T106 under “Asian Silks” called ?

answer 1,2, or all 3 of the above questions in separate comments and get a bonus entry for each correct answer.

MORE STYLES YOU MAY LIKE :

This giveaway begins NOW and ends on Nov. 21st at 7PM EST. Winner will be posted on this site and will have 48 hours to claim their prize. Good Luck and Thank you for entering!!!

*STAY TUNED to this blog, We are giving away $100 gift certificates to Peggy Lutz every week until Christmas, so you have 6 chances to win!* Also in my final post, I will be posting a “mini fashion show”  of me wearing all of the clothes I was sent to show you

The Plus Size Mommy

* I was sent the clothing to review and post about on my blog from Peggy Lutz. Also all prizes will be provided by Peggy Lutz to all of the winners of the giveaway*

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Starting in November, you can receive a free movie ticket when you purchase two specially marked packages of General Mills´ Cereals. After purchasing two cereals, visit generalmills.com/moviecash to enter the code found inside each box of cereal and print your free movie certificate good for admission to any movie.

Participating brands include select sizes of: Honey Nut Cheerios, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Lucky Charms, Trix and Reese´s Peanut Butter Puffs.

To find a participating theater near you, log onto
http://emoviecash.com/dis_locator/.

FROM ME :  I was thrilled to receive my prize pack from General Mills due to my relationship with My Blog Spark! This is a great one, 4 movie tickets and a coupon to get a free box of cereal. There are a ton of great movies playing out there right now, I am going to use my movie tickets to slip into my children’s  Christmas stockings they will be so excited to get these.

YOU CAN WIN TOO !!!!

General Mills, through MYBLOGSPARK also would like to offer to one of my readers the great opportunity to go to the movies and a FREE box of cereal !!! Here is how you can win :

• Please comment and tell us what your favorite movie moment is/was ?  = 1 entry
• Are there any movies playing now or coming soon that you and/or your children would love to go see? leave a comment about it = 1 entry
• What was the first movie you ever shared (at the movies) with your child(ren) ? leave another comment, and = get another entry !
• Tweet the following on twitter, “Win 4 tickets to the movies and General Mills cereal here http://bit.ly/4xz3e ”  comment with the tweet thread = 1 entry  (up to 2 times/2 entries per day)
• technorati this blog, comment and let me know you did = 1 entry
• digg or stumbleupon this post = comment and tell me you did and get another entry for each way
• write a blog post on your blog about this giveaway and link it to this post, comment and let me know you did = 1 entry
• vote for this blog over at divinecaroline.com under the “love this site” awards, comment and let me know u did = 1 entry

This giveaway begins NOW and will end on November 9, 2009 at 7pm Eastern time. Winner will be posted to this site by Nov. 10th. Winner will have 48 hours from time posted to claim their prize by emailing me their home address so prize can be sent to them. Winners will NOT be notified via email. THANK YOU for entering and visiting my site. GOOD LUCK !

The Plus Size Mommy

** GENERAL MILLS PROVIDED ME WITH THESE COUPONS, Information and the prize pack to give away through MYBLOGSPARK *** Thank you for this great opportunity !

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