I see tweets, comments on Facebook,  and even hear person to person how people cheat on their diets or sneak to eat foods that they shouldn’t. Truth is, it isn’t worth it. Believe me, I have been there. I used to work at a day care center that was about 3 minutes away from McDonalds. I would go (mind you this was over 15 years ago) and eat lunch there some days. Instead of eating back at the day care, a normal lunch, with some co-workers. I would drive to McDonald’s eat a Quarter Pounder with cheese and fries, a large soda, and then also eat a pack of chicken nuggets (not a 4 count pack, a larger one). I would sit in my car and eat away. Eat away my sorrows, pain, arguments with boyfriends, problems at home, not having money, problems with school. Anything that caused me bad stress I would eat it all away at McDonalds, in my car, where no one could see the amount of food I was piling over top of my stress.

Eating for me, is an addiction. Some people drink alcohol, some drugs, some have sex, gamble, and some work.

For me, it is FOOD. I eat when I am happy, I eat when I am sad, I eat to celebrate, I eat when I am full, I eat when I am hungry, I eat and eat and eat.

What I also remember about “hiding” and eating in my car is, I never felt too good when I went back to work knowing what I just did. The guilt would set in and would feel horrible. And hiding, who am I kidding, how can you hide how much you really eat when you weigh over 250 pounds. You CANNOT. They may not have seen the food itself, but anyone would know that I eat a lot by just looking at me.

Alcoholics, smokers, drug users, sex addicts, gamblers, even nail biters cannot hide it either. You can try but people can and will be able to tell. Even if not at first, eventually…

So when you cheat and sneak to do any kind of addicted behavior you may have, it never feels good. The guilt is always still there.

To me, food addiction is one of, if not, THE hardest addiction to overcome.  After all, if your an alcoholic, you can go to support groups, and get help, and yes I know it is tough, but if you never buy another alcoholic beverage or product with alcohol in it, you do not have to. If your strong enough to never shoot up, smoke or snort another drug, and get help, you never have to buy another drug ever again. And you can put yourself in situations where you do not ever go around or to places where these vices are happening again (ie : you don’t have to goto a bar, liquor store, parties, crack house, etc.)

But with food, it is a beast that you cannot survive without.

Now, that being said, I can stay away from McDonalds, or places where maybe not so healthy food is being served.  And I can buy only healthy foods for home.  But, food addicts cannot just put the fork down and say, I will never eat again.

It just cannot happen. We need food and water to survive.

So the beast of food addiction is there,  it is everywhere.  If you think of every event in your life, pretty much food is present.

And usually it isn’t healthy food.

Birthday cakes, Wedding cakes, picnics, reunions, conferences, vacations, holidays, funerals, work parties, sporting events, baby showers, and many many more events. Food is there. If you do not eat, people wonder what is wrong with you (or what is wrong with their food).

It is so so so hard.

The same people who wonder why you aren’t eating their “wonderful pasta salad” are the same people who wonder how you got so fat.  And why you aren’t doing something about it. The same people who tell you that you need to lose weight are the same ones who bring dessert to Christmas dinner.

Whole lifestyle changes is the only route you can take.

You have to eat in moderation. And if you can put your self in an alcoholics shoes for a split second, that would be like telling them to just drink 1 drink. It is almost impossible. I have lots of friends and relatives that are alcoholics and/or recovering alcoholics. I know a person in my family has to watch what mouthwash to use because of alcohol content.

The truth is, they cannot even drink a sip of alcohol or they can chance getting right back to being a drinker.

So, how can I tell myself, to never eat 1 more bite of food ? … I cannot.

When I am eating healthy and moderately and then I do cheat and sneak in a piece of cake I feel like such a fat loser. It is horrible.

I know in my mind I am only cheating on myself and my family.  I HATE the feeling.

I have decided to really give more thought into what I am eating, how much, why, and how It will make me feel in the future (after I eat it).  With hopes it will help me arrange in my head what I am doing and why. And hopefully after I answer these questions, I will be able to make a better decision to what I eat and help in my weight loss and relieve me of the guilt and stress of the guilt.

I know this is going to be a very VERY long road for me, but others have gone before me and have accomplished it. Everyone’s life path is different and everyone’s travels hard at times. And I have to keep thinking it has taken me 35 years to get this fat, and it should hopefully take me less to lose it.  I have to keep thinking about the quality of my life now, and keep imagining how it will be when I have reached my goal. I think it will be a wonderful place

I know I can do this…

The Plus Size Mommy

Disclosure – All products have been supplied by Nutrisystem complimentary as part of their Nutrisystem Blogger 15 program. Views expressed here are my own.

Tags: #NSdiet15, addiction, diet, food, food addiction, health, Nutrisystem, thoughts