I know I am very late on this post, but I had to take a long time to think about what my word for this year would be. I finally came up with the one that fits me for 2014.
PERSEVERANCE. The past few years have been extremely hard for me. I kept trying to get back on track, but couldn’t seem to stay on. I kept taking on tasks and opportunities that I failed to meet the guidelines for. My blogs stats have fallen to embarrassing numbers. I cannot tell you how much I could once again apologize to companies, brands, PR folks, and even friends who have set me up with campaigns that I have failed to complete. But this would be the third time or maybe even more that I would need to apologize to them for my failures. Once I have to apologize this many times, no one believes me anymore. And I GET IT. I do not blame them for not trusting me, believing me, or giving me anymore work. I once again, do not blame them.
This is what happens when someone (me) have severe depression. I mean well, but then get myself overwhelmed, I just shut down. COMPLETELY. I have been staying in bed, not going out, unless I absolutely have to, I don’t turn on my computer, I DO check my phone, And I do go on Facebook and Twitter, and check emails. But I still feel frozen 98% of the time.
For people who know me, know that this is NOT ME. They understand I am not well. I cannot tell you the last time I have cooked, cleaned, done any work, have had fun like I used to, watched an entire 2 hr. movie, done things with my children like I have done in the past, answered a phone call, and more. I am REALLY lucky to have a caring support system at my home which consists of my husband, mother, mother in-law, and children.
Without them, my
Home World WOULD COMPLETELY fall apart.
It takes me all the strength I have to do the small amount of things I do do. Most people don’t understand. Unless you have been here (where I am) in this HELL, you wouldn’t understand. Again, I GET IT.
No matter what all I have been through, I am still trying with all my might, to get back to myself. I keep trying, coming back to my blog (just like now) and doing what I can, which isn’t much of anything at all, but the point is, I haven’t given up all together. I keep trying. I want 2014 to be different.
So, my word I chose for 2014 is Perseverance. I want to not give up, and get things done. I want to Persevere through my Depression, battle it, and get rid of it once and for all.
It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop.
And My Passage For 2014 is:
Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.