My weight loss battle started when I was about 7 years old. It might have been earlier but age 7 is when I can recall knowing I was overweight. How I realized this ? I remember my best friend being so skinny and being able to do flips and things on the school playground that I was unable to do. She was in second grade and I was in first. I was so jealous of how skinny she was and all she was able to do. I was also a dancer, I love dancing school. I was in tap, ballat, acrobat, and jazz. So I never understood that, even though I was an active child, I still was very overweight. This totally attributes to me knowing that obesity MUST be genetic because I swam, rode my bike, always was outside playing, but still overweight. Even though I was jealous of my skinny friend, I never thought of a diet, I didn’t even know what that was at age 7.
I will NEVER forget the day I found out what a diet was. We at the pediatricians office I was now 10 years old… My doctor, who is still a doctor was sooooo rude, he said to me and my mother, “your daughter is fat, and needs to be on a diet”. And explicitly told me directly to me at age 10, I was fat. I begged my mom to never take me back to him, I remember crying. I was so upset. And what did my mom do to soothe the pain ? She took me to McDonalds for a Happy Meal ! But I totally do not blame my mom for my fatness. My entire family was obese. My father a whopping 300+ pounds and 6 foot tall. My mom was probably about 250 or so, and she is short.
I just think that parents didnt have the knowledge and tools we do now to know what to do. I remember my mom being on diets, but they would never work.
When I got to middle school which was 6th grade, and boys came into the picture, I of course tried to loose weight. I went on diets, I exercised, I would do everything and anything I could to loose weight, no success. I remember when my one friend was in 8th grade, her parents had money and were able to provide her with the Nutri System diet, she lost TONS of weight, I recall asking my mom to put me on it, but she just couldn’t afford it. So, I tried to copy what my friend ate, still no luck, I went on a diet where I just ate salads, still nothing. Kids would be so absolutely mean to me too, which I am SURE didn’t help. I was called Thunder Thighs, Big Bessy, everything to do with being fat under the sun. I didnt get looked at by the boys, I wasn’t popular, at school dances I was sitting on the sideline watching friends dance and get asked to dance. It was a very sad and stressful time in my life. Middle school age and through puberty is bad enough but through overweight in with it, not a pretty picture as you can imagine.

By High School I wanted sooooo badly to be thin. And I finally succeeded after I discovered dance clubs! I love to dance. I would dance for 3 hours straight, of course it was hard at first, but after losing some weight, it felt good. And all I would drink there was water, although they had soda, it never quenched my thirst, so I stuck to water. Guys would finally notice I was a good dancer, and I would get asked to dance, I was in my glory!! And don’t get my wrong, I still wasn’t “skinny” but I was not a ton overweight, and I was fitting into smaller clothes and feeling great. My self esteem soared. At these dance clubs, no one knew me except my friends I took with me, and ones I met there. No one called me names and I was very popular! It was a highlight of my life.
In college, I was still (at the beginning) feeling on top of the world. But living out of my home and cooking on my own, finally got me being back to “overweightness”. I wasn’t as active as I was before, and why did I stop going dancing ? They shut down the place, and anyways, all my friends were now dispersed everywhere, they were now going to colleges, getting jobs, joining the military, etc. and we didnt see each other anymore. The new friends I made accepted me the way I was and so I again, didnt worry about my weight too much.
Fast Forward to adulthood – I got married when I was 21, I had my first child when I was 22. By the time of my 2nd child, I was extremely back to being very very obese. I am 5’9″ tall and my weight was at my highest pushing 350 pounds. I couldn’t play with my children, heck, I was doing good if I could take care of them properly and even get out of bed. I had major back problems that ended with me being in a wheelchair and I got back surgery, the surgery worked and I am walking again Praise The Lord. I tried to buy only healthy food and put myself back on a diet. I saved money and joined Jenny Craig (at the advice of my doctor at the time), it helped me get down about 20 pounds, but when I stopped going,do to not being able to afford it anymore, I gained that back and then some.
I went on a diet at work with a bunch of my friends, and we would walk on our breaks, I would again loose a few pounds here and there, but still not enough. I tried weight watchers, low calorie diets, you name it, I probably tried it. I ended on the Atkins…just eat meat diet, no help.
I mentioned previously about my parents both being overweight. 7 years ago my father who was a diabetic and had heart disease passed away. His diabetes is mainly what killed him. Prior to his passing, my dad suffered tremendously. He had both legs (eventually, basically piece by piece taken away, starting with his toes) amputated. He was in a wheelchair, and although he did loose weight, it was due to illness, not a good way to loose it, and definitely NOT the way I want to lose weight, nor do I endorse anyone else doing it this way. He was very sick and in pain. Because of his heart disease he couldn’t be “put under” anesthesia totally, he told us how he could hear his leg being taken off,horrible horrible. My mom also has lost weight due to illness, she had colitus and crohns. She just 2 years ago had her large intestine removed entirely. (I still dont want to loose weight like this).
After my dads passing, I made the decision that I WAS going to loose weight, at any cost.
I made the decision to get weight loss surgery. Like many people, I thought this was the best, fastest, SURE way of loosing my weight and getting healthy again. I made up my mind that I was NOT going to be overweight anymore, and since I was taking this huge step, and may I say life threatening, since this IS surgery. That no matter what I had to do, eat, whatever, I was going to do it, and STICK to it.
I had 2 babies at home and I wanted to be on Earth for them. I wanted to be able to take them to parks and play ball, and chase them around. I wanted to be a wonderful mom. I didn’t want my children to be teased when they got into school and the kids tell them how fat their mom is. I wanted what so many people take for granted.
Well, I found a doctor in the Pittsburgh area, and I went through the steps needed to get the surgery.
I figured in my mind that if I was going to die, I wanted to die trying to be healthy instead of how my daddy died, through all the pain and being obese.
I had the surgery, I was too big to have it done laproscopically, so I had the full open one, which means, stitches from below chest to belly button. I believed in my mind that when I awoke from surgery that I would awake a new person and I would be on my way to being healthy and skinny.
However, I had complications during surgery, I ended up with pancreatitus. I DID almost die from this. I was in the hospital for 1/2 a month. Because of this, I wasn’t able to have the regular hospital stay as a normal Gastric Bypass patient would have. I didn’t get the nutrition guidelines, or “counseling” as I should have. After the pancreatitus went away, I was let out into the world to figure it out by myself, basically.
Well, I did wonderfully for about a year. I lost 100 pounds! I was down to almost 200 pounds, which to me was wonderful. Totally NOT my goal weight but I felt good, and could do things, I felt I was almost back on top of the world.
But then something happened. I got pregnant again. I was so happy to be pregnant, and pregnant and feeling great was something new to me. The whole experience was different then when I was very obese.
I was able to have normal sonograms, and everything was great.
Soon before I got pregnant, I lost my job, the company I worked for went bankrupt. Then after having my beautiful baby girl, she had to have 2 lung surgeries (when she was 7 months old). I believe I was in shock and depression.
Fast forward to today.
I now have 4 children and I feel my weight getting out of control again. I dont know how this all happened. It seems like it all happened overnight. I am now edging back to 350 pounds. (I am already about 310) and I feel like crap. I am in post pardum depression, and also have recently been told my thyroid is slow.
I was given medication for the thyroid which I lost 17 pounds after and I was so happy, but I am not overall happy.
I just do not know where to begin, I have been considering another weight loss surgery, but then I think. will it really even work, afterall it didnt work the first time, I mean totally.
I just dont know what to do, or where to start. I have joined some online groups such as wii fit moms, where there are a ton of people rooting me on. With tons of idea’s. But I havent felt secure enough to take the step back into health again. I have lingering thoughts that it just wont work anyways, probably. On the other hand, it is better than doing nothing.
I just basically feel I am at rock bottom and need something to lift me out of this pit. I am wondering if my food addiction can even be overcome.
I feel so guilty at the fact that I went through WLS saying to everyone, I shall never be fat again, but now I am. I feel like not only have I let everyone else down, I let myself down too.
I feel like I wish I could wake up one day in a totally new me. A healthy me.
I also want people to understand that if your considering Gastric Bypass and you think that this is an end to your obesity, please rethink this and MAKE SURE you will follow the plan. I am living proof that it isn’t a fail proof way of losing your weight. You still need to work at it.
I just wish I knew where to re – start!

Well, there you have it, thats my battle and it is ongoing. I havent won the battle and dont know if I ever will. I think it is lifelong. I think it is a commitment for life. Something that needs to be worked on daily. Probably is going to be the biggest battle I ever will fight in life. ]
Some people have cancer, others have other ailments or battles, such as alcoholism.
My battle is obesity and weight loss, and my addiction is Food.
If anyone has ANY insight or ways you think I can restart this battle, I am open to anyones suggestions.
Thank You,
Beth AKA The Plus Size Mommy (for now)