Category Archives: Celeb

“7 Steps to a Happy Marriage” : By Jenna McCarthy – Out Today!

“7 Steps to a Happy Marriage” : By Jenna McCarthy – Out Today!

I would love to share with you today this hilarious video (below) and new book by Jenna McCarthy.

Don’t forget to google Zestra after you watch it… or better yet, check out the link on Jenna’s homepage,

I have a remarkably happy marriage, and people ask me all the time how I got so lucky. (Not as often as they ask me about autism, vaccines and Jim Carrey, so let’s get something straight before we go any further: Not. Her.) I used to wonder if it had something to do with pheromones or having relatively low expectations, but after eleven years of wedded bliss I am pretty sure the key is some combination of kindness, respect and my ability to read a road map upside down divided by my husband’s skill at tuning out my nagging.

Okay, fine. We got lucky.

Busloads of studies have attempted to figure out why roughly every other marriage fails miserably. Turns out, the success stories share a few similarities beyond the obvious stuff like “they don’t have sex with other people”. Here, then, are seven scientifically proven* steps to marital ecstasy.

  1. Be thinner and better looking than your husband. I have no idea why this works to create nuptial delight but I’m guessing it’s because if you’re fat and ugly you probably never want to have sex, which makes him grumpy and mean because sex was the one and only reason he got married in the first place. (Well, that and pie. Think about it: Most guys will never bake a pie in their lifetimes and from what I’ve seen, they really like pie.) Of course, I don’t know many women who are dying to have sex with fat, ugly men, so this one remains a bit of a mystery.
  2. Make sure he does more chores than you do (well, duh) and try to talk less than he does. I have to admit, if you asked my husband the top three things I could do to make him happier, “shut the hell up for five lousy minutes” would probably be on the list. (But not at the tippy-top. Ahem.)
  3. Don’t watch a lot of chick flicks. Seems that after sitting through Gnomio and Juliet (or any other rom-com) relationship dissatisfaction tends to skyrocket. Apparently this is because maybe it could happen to you but you realize that it hasn’t and it probably won’t and that fat bastard never sprinkled rose petals on your bed, dammit. At least you’re thinner and better looking than he is.
  4. Don’t win a best-actress Oscar. I included this one because unlike getting hotter or having your jaw wired shut, it’s actually pretty painless and doable. Personally, I am going to make this a priority in my marriage.
  5. Limit your booze consumption (both of you). No comment.
  6. Become or urge your partner to become a farmer, nuclear engineer or optometrist. Evidently every career choice has its own unique divorce-risk profile, with these three being on the lowest end. Dancers and choreographers are pretty much screwed. You can’t make this stuff up.
  7. Prefer having the car windows down. I haven’t technically seen a study on this, but do you not fight about this every single time you ride in a vehicle together? And doesn’t he get all pissed when you want them up and accuse you of being more concerned about your hair than his precious need for non-recirculated air? If anyone bothered to study this, I’m confident the results would back me up.

So there you have it. I do not suggest trying to master all seven steps at once. For instance, if you stop doing housework altogether (to try to tilt his portion of the ratio toward more), you’ll have a lot of extra time on your hands which you may want to spend drinking alcohol. Remember, there’s no rush here. Till death do us part is a really long time**.

*I may have bastardized the language a bit in some cases but the facts are mostly accurate.

**I stole that line from If It Was Easy They’d Call the Whole Damn Thing a Honeymoon: Living with and Loving the TV-Addicted, Sex-Obsessed, Not-So-Handy Man You Married, which I wrote (and please note that it says the blah-blah-blah man you married, not the one I married. My husband likes it when I point that out). You can find out more about me, my books and how I survived tanorexia on my website.

About the Author
Jenna McCarthy is the author of five books, including The Parent Trip: From High Heels and Parties to Highchairs and Potties and Cheers to the New Mom!/Cheers to the New Dad!. A self- confessed social media addict, she blogs regularly for iVillage, Betty Confidential, and many others. She lives in Santa Barbara, California.

Written by: Jenna McCarthy
Shared by: The Plus Size Mommy

Disclosure- This is a compensated post. I have shared this post on behalf of

Happy Birthday Rachael Ray !!!!

Happy Birthday Rachael Ray !!!!

Someone special is having a birthday on Aug. 25th, it is Rachael Ray! Every Day with Rachael Ray magazine editors are asking their baking savvy readers and all Rachael fans at large to help them celebrate her birthday by making Rachael a birthday cake. And I was asked to help in her Birthday Celebration! And,Continue Reading

Join In The #CheapSally Fun At #Blogher11 Virtually  #CBias   (Spon)

Join In The #CheapSally Fun At #Blogher11 Virtually #CBias (Spon)

Some of us were not able to get to Blogher11 this year, and we are at home, watching as all of the Tweets go by with all of the news and how fun the parties are. It breaks my heart not to be there, with all of my friends, and networking with companies/brands. And ofContinue Reading

Help Rachael Ray End Hunger For Older Americans  @Drive2EndHunger

Help Rachael Ray End Hunger For Older Americans @Drive2EndHunger

  Entertainment Industry Foundation Ambassador, author and television personality Rachael Ray is lending her support to a new public service campaign aimed at ending hunger for the more than six million Americans over the age of 50 who struggle to put food on the table every day. The new campaign supports Drive to End Hunger,Continue Reading

Alex Guarnaschelli From Chopped Meet & Greet At Giant Eagle Market District

Alex Guarnaschelli From Chopped Meet & Greet At Giant Eagle Market District

I was so fortunate to meet and get an autograph of Alex Guarnaschelli recently, She is the executive chef at Manhattan’s Butter Restaurant, host of Food Network’s The Cooking Loft and Alex’s Day Off and Chef-Instructor at New York City’s Institute of Culinary Education. She shared favorite dishes from her own eclectic American and greenContinue Reading

Winners of Market District iCarly V.I.P. Event

Congratulations to the following 3 people on each winning 2 VIP passes to the Market District event this Saturday to see iCarly’s Reed Alexander ! The winners are : Wendy Mary Ian You all have 24 hours to claim your prizes!!! To claim please email me at Please put “iCarly VIP” in the subjectContinue Reading

Pittsburgher’s Here Is The iCarly Event Announcement You Won’t Want To Miss!

Yesterday evening you may have caught my post over on Facebook letting all Pittsburgher’s know that I was having a BIG Announcement to share today. And well, the time has come…. Nickelodeon’s iCarly’s and creator of REED ALEXANDER AKA Nevel Papperman Will be in Da’Burgh on THIS SATURDAY (9/18) and I have 3 sets ofContinue Reading

I Met The Jimmy Dean Sun!

When I was at Blogher this past month, I was so excited to meet the “Sun” from Jimmy Dean. He was a very nice sun! It definitely brightened up my day!!! This was truly one of the highlights of my trip. The new Jimmy D’s breakfast sandwiches are so great and I love the sausageContinue Reading

Back-to-School Sanity Saver Tips from Annie Pleshette Murphy

With summer winding down, it’s important for the entire family to transition from a summer playhouse to a more structured environment BEFORE school starts. To do this without loosing your sanity, Annie Pleshette Murphy a psychologist, author, parenting expert for Good Morning America, and former editor-in-chief of Parents magazine recently teamed up with OfficeMax toContinue Reading

Divinity Salon Was An Amazing Experience For Me #DivinityMoms

On Sunday,May 16th which was my Birthday. I recieved a delightful treat from my dear friend Beth,(AKA PlusSizeMommy).She informed me that she was taking me out to get my hair cut, styled, and colored. They were having a big Pittsburgh blogging hair day and she thought it would be a great not only Birthday presentContinue Reading

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...